For women and wives who have experienced the deep wounds of intimate betrayal, the journey toward healing can feel overwhelming. One of the most painful yet essential steps in this process is disclosure—the act of your loved one revealing the truth about their addiction and betrayal. As daunting as this may seem, healthy disclosure, when done with integrity, is a pivotal step toward rebuilding trust and finding closure.
The Reality of Disclosure
Disclosure, in its ideal form, is a process conducted with honesty, preparation, and respect for the betrayed partner. However, as Schneider and Corley (2012) note, this is not always the case: “Disclosures come in all forms; some are done with integrity and some are done in the worst way possible” (p. 25).
Unplanned or reactive disclosures can be haphazard and traumatizing, leaving the partner feeling blindsided or overwhelmed. On the other hand, a structured and intentional disclosure—often facilitated by a therapist—provides a safe space for both parties to address the truth with dignity and care.
Acknowledging the Pain
Hearing the details of your partner’s actions will inevitably be painful. Schneider and Corley (2012) acknowledge this with compassion: “It is safe to say that all revelations are painful and difficult for everyone, but probably hardest on you. You will receive information that may reinforce your suspicions, be a total shock, be more than you even wanted to know, or will leave you wanting to know more” (p. 25).
This emotional upheaval is a normal reaction to betrayal, and it’s okay to grieve, feel anger, or even experience moments of numbness. Many women struggle with knowing how much information they want, and finding the balance between getting enough clarity and avoiding unnecessary details is a delicate process.
The Hope Beyond the Hurt
Though the disclosure process is deeply challenging, it often leads to a sense of relief and a clearer path forward. Schneider and Corley (2012) found that “most partners and addicts (over 90% in our study) report they are glad the disclosure happened” (p. 25).
For many women, this step provides validation of their feelings and suspicions, empowering them to make informed decisions about the future of their relationship. It can also create the opportunity for meaningful healing to begin—both individually and as a couple.
Finding Support
Navigating disclosure is not something you need to face alone. Working with a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) can provide guidance and support during this emotional process. A CSAT understands the complexities of betrayal trauma and can help ensure that the disclosure is conducted in a way that minimizes harm and fosters healing.
At Family Strategies Counseling Center, we are here to support you. Our team, which includes the largest group of CSATs in any single office, is dedicated to helping women like you navigate the pain of betrayal and the hope of recovery. Healthy disclosure is a step toward understanding the full truth and reclaiming your voice in the relationship.
Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults and Valor Groups for young men can help you! Give us a call at (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: Family Strategies Counseling Center.
References
Schneider, J., & Corley, D. (2012). Surviving Disclosure - A Partner’s Guide for Healing the Betrayal of Intimate Trust. CreateSpace.