Pornography addiction among women remains a deeply stigmatized issue, often shrouded in shame and secrecy. In many societies, it is presumed that pornography addiction is primarily a male problem, leaving many women who struggle with this addiction feeling isolated and uniquely flawed. Audrey Assad’s testimonial, shared in Delivered: True Stories of Men and Women Who Turned from Porn to Purity by Matt Fradd (2013), offers a candid look into this hidden struggle. Her story highlights the significance of breaking free from isolation by finding safe, understanding people to confide in—an essential component of healing.

The Unique Shame and Taboo for Women

For women, the experience of addiction to pornography often comes with a unique and intensified shame. The social stigma around women engaging with pornography, let alone developing a dependency on it, is far more pronounced than it is for men. Assad’s story sheds light on this reality. She recalls, “I began to pray about whom I should tell, and one by one the Lord brought certain friends to heart. I told each of them—and each of them confessed a similar addiction. I was shocked” (Fradd, 2013, p. 40). This initial step toward openness reveals a powerful truth: many women carry the same burdens in silence, falsely believing they are alone.

According to recovery experts, women often feel an added layer of shame due to societal expectations that label sexual struggles as uncharacteristic of femininity. These restrictive norms not only prevent women from seeking help but also amplify feelings of self-blame and inadequacy, leading many to keep their struggles secret, perpetuating the cycle of shame.

How Isolation Perpetuates Addiction

The secrecy surrounding women’s pornography addiction creates an environment where isolation thrives. Assad’s testimonial underscores this, as she recalls discovering that other women shared her struggle. She notes, “One phrase I remember coming from both sides in each one of those conversations was, ‘I thought I was the only one!’” (Fradd, 2013, p. 40). This sense of isolation can prevent women from accessing the support networks that are essential for recovery. When individuals believe they are the only ones dealing with a problem, the shame intensifies, and the motivation to hide grows stronger.

The isolation perpetuated by shame creates a cycle: the more a person struggles, the deeper their need to hide it, leading to a greater dependency on the very behavior they seek to escape. This cycle becomes especially dangerous when the individual’s primary coping strategy is kept secret from friends and family. Isolation fuels addictive behaviors, as those struggling lack the accountability and encouragement that come from open communication and trusted relationships.

The Importance of Safe Support

Breaking free from the cycle of secrecy requires a support system of safe, understanding people. For Assad, this meant praying for guidance on whom to confide in, and she found comfort in realizing that many friends shared similar struggles. She reflects, “All those years I had thought I was the only one in my prison, but there had been many more behind those same bars. We were just living in isolated cells” (Fradd, 2013, p. 40). The power of these shared experiences cannot be underestimated; by opening up to one another, Assad and her friends dismantled their sense of isolation and found validation in each other’s stories.

For women, finding supportive connections can be a turning point in their recovery. Research in addiction recovery highlights that shared vulnerability fosters accountability, reduces shame, and provides a foundation for sustainable change. Programs like Family Strategies Counseling Center’s SABR (Sexual Addiction Betrayal Recovery) program emphasize the importance of communal support, which allows individuals to build relationships based on understanding and compassion. In such environments, women can safely address the underlying emotional and psychological issues that contribute to their addiction, ultimately replacing isolation with genuine connection.

Breaking Free Through Open Conversations

Engaging in open conversations about pornography addiction is an essential step toward dismantling the stigma that keeps many women silent. When individuals find the courage to share their experiences, they often discover a community of others who have faced similar struggles. This validation can be profoundly healing. Experts on sexual addiction, note, speaking openly about addiction reduces the shame that keeps individuals isolated, empowering them to pursue recovery with confidence (Stringer, 2019).

For women struggling with pornography addiction, finding a trusted confidant or group can mark the beginning of a journey out of shame and into healing. By breaking the silence, they not only receive support but also challenge the misconceptions surrounding women and addiction, paving the way for others to seek help.

Conclusion

For women, the journey to recovery from pornography addiction is often marked by a challenging battle with shame, isolation, and secrecy. Yet, as Assad’s story illustrates, the simple act of confiding in a trusted friend can break the cycle of isolation and foster a sense of belonging that is essential for healing. Through supportive programs like SABR and a commitment to open conversations, women can find the strength to overcome the stigma, reconnect with their communities, and embrace recovery with confidence.

Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults and Valor Groups for young men can help you! Give us a call at (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: Family Strategies Counseling Center.

References

Fradd, M. (2013). Delivered: True Stories of Men and Women Who Turned from Porn to Purity. Catholic Answers Press.