A healthy marriage doesn’t happen by accident. In today’s world, where divorce and relational distress are increasingly common, understanding what sustains a thriving relationship has become essential. Renowned researcher John Gottman has provided profound insights into the science of healthy relationships, offering tangible strategies that can improve marital satisfaction and durability. At Family Strategies Counseling Center, we recognize that healing from addiction and compulsive behavior must include the restoration of healthy relational dynamics, especially within marriage.
The Power of Connection
Gottman’s work emphasizes the importance of emotional connection and mutual respect as foundational elements in any successful marriage. His research highlights that small, daily efforts to “turn toward” one another in conversation, affection, and support create an emotional bank account that buffers couples against conflict. In recovery, these moments of connection can become even more significant, serving as reminders of trust being rebuilt.
Incorporating these principles into therapeutic practice, the SABR program supports clients in learning to be emotionally present and communicative. Healing from pornography addiction often reveals past patterns of detachment or relational avoidance. With therapeutic guidance, couples can begin to experience the safety and joy that comes from regular emotional intimacy.
Navigating Conflict with Grace
Conflict is inevitable in every marriage, but how it is handled determines the relationship’s trajectory. Gottman identifies four predictors of relational failure—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—coined the “Four Horsemen.” In contrast, healthy marriages are marked by the ability to soothe oneself and one’s partner during tension, maintain mutual respect, and seek compromise.
SABR therapists often assist clients in recognizing how addiction-related behaviors have intensified unhealthy conflict cycles. Through structured therapeutic sessions, couples learn healthier ways of expressing frustration, taking responsibility, and validating one another’s feelings. Conflict becomes a place of growth, not destruction.
Commitment to Growth
One of Gottman’s key findings is that couples who share common goals, values, and a sense of meaning tend to stay together longer and experience greater satisfaction. This insight is deeply aligned with the SABR model’s emphasis on values-based living and personal growth. Recovery is not just about abstaining from compulsive behaviors—it’s about becoming the kind of person who can engage in meaningful, respectful, and joyful relationships.
Through SABR’s group and individual therapy work, individuals and couples explore their deeper values and aspirations. They reconnect with their identity beyond addiction, and begin to cultivate a shared narrative of growth and recovery with their spouse. The process reinforces that recovery and relational health go hand in hand.
Creating a Foundation for the Future
Sustaining a healthy marriage takes ongoing intention, learning, and vulnerability. Couples who practice Gottman’s principles are better equipped to handle life’s challenges and to build a home rooted in emotional safety and mutual admiration. For those recovering from the effects of sexual addiction, it is not only possible to restore marital health—it is an essential component of long-term success.
Healing is a journey, and every relationship has the potential to flourish with the right tools and support. At Family Strategies Counseling Center, we help couples discover those tools and apply them through the compassionate, evidence-based SABR program.
Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults, and Valor groups for young men, can help you! Give us a call (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: https://familystrategies.org/sabr.html.
