Guidance for Husbands: Disclosing Pornography Addiction

In an era where the prevalence of pornography addiction continues to climb, the ripple effects on relationships are profound. Recognizing the need for a compassionate and effective approach to recovery, experts in the field of betrayal trauma, like Kim Buck and Julie Young, offer valuable insights into navigating these challenging waters. Their work, alongside the foundational advice of John McLean on taking responsibility through honesty, paves the way for a discussion on the best practices for husbands ready to address their addiction with their wives.

The Foundation of Trust: Honesty and Responsibility

At the heart of recovery and healing from pornography addiction lies the necessity of honesty. John McLean underscores the importance of taking full responsibility for one's actions as the first step towards genuine reconciliation and healing. This means approaching your spouse not with excuses or justifications, but with a sincere acknowledgment of the addiction and its impact on your relationship.

Approaching with Care: Strategies for a Less Traumatic Disclosure

When preparing to disclose a pornography addiction to your wife, the manner in which you approach the conversation can significantly influence her initial and ongoing response to the revelation. Here are strategies designed to mitigate trauma and foster a constructive dialogue:

  • Choose a Suitable Time and Place: Ensure privacy and ample time for a discussion without interruptions.
  • Be Direct but Gentle: Use clear language to convey the truth, but do so with compassion and sensitivity to her feelings.
  • Acknowledge the Hurt: Recognize the pain and betrayal your wife may feel. Validating her emotions is crucial for her healing process.
  • Seek Professional Guidance: Consider initiating this conversation in the presence of a therapist specializing in betrayal trauma. Professionals like Kim Buck and Julie Young can provide a safe space for both of you to express feelings and start the journey towards recovery.
  • Commit to Transparency: Offer to share your recovery process, including attending therapy sessions and support groups, to rebuild trust.
  • Emphasize Your Love and Commitment: Assure her that your decision to come clean stems from your deep love and desire to mend your relationship.

The Road to Recovery: A Path Paved with Hope

The journey of recovery from pornography addiction is undeniably challenging, but it is also filled with potential for personal growth and deeper, more meaningful connections with loved ones. The SABR program at Family Strategies Counseling Center, with its comprehensive approach, offers a beacon of hope for those navigating the complexities of addiction and its aftermath in relationships. By embracing educational strategies and the role of therapeutic intervention, individuals and couples can find their way back to trust and intimacy.


Disclosing a pornography addiction to your wife is a pivotal step in the healing process, not just for the individual struggling with addiction but for the relationship as a whole. By approaching this difficult conversation with honesty, empathy, and a commitment to recovery, husbands can lay the groundwork for rebuilding trust and fostering a healthier, more open relationship. Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Support, guidance, and resources are available to assist you and your spouse through this challenging time.

Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 who struggle with pornography and sexual addiction issues. Our SABR program for adults, Tribe for college, and Band of Brothers for teens can help you! Give us a call (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information:


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