Betrayal trauma, such as discovering a partner’s pornography addiction or infidelity, can profoundly disrupt emotional intimacy within a marriage. One common response to betrayal is intimacy anorexia—a condition characterized by withholding emotional and physical connection. While often subconscious, intimacy anorexia has far-reaching effects on both partners and the relationship itself.

The Impact of Intimacy Anorexia on Relationships
Intimacy anorexia prevents partners from fully experiencing love and connection, depriving both individuals of meaningful closeness. White and Milne (2017) emphasize the gravity of this issue: “Ignoring the intimacy anorexia has long-term consequences for the relationship. ...It deprives the partner the opportunity of being fully loved and of fully loving in return” (p. 76). Without addressing the emotional distance caused by intimacy anorexia, couples face a cycle of disconnection and pain.

The long-term effects of intimacy anorexia extend beyond the emotional deprivation experienced by both partners. According to White and Milne (2017), “The long-term consequences predispose each spouse to bitterness, resentment, the demise of the relationship, and ultimate marital dissolution” (p. 76). This cycle not only threatens the marriage but also undermines the personal well-being of each spouse, compounding the trauma caused by betrayal.

The Individual Consequences of Intimacy Anorexia
The effects of intimacy anorexia are not confined to the relational dynamic; they also have significant individual consequences. White and Milne (2017) note, “Some researchers contend that emotional isolation is a more dangerous physiological health risk than either cigarettes or high blood pressure; thus the individual impact of intimacy anorexia can be enormous” (p. 76). Emotional isolation increases stress, decreases resilience, and impairs both mental and physical health, leaving individuals vulnerable to a host of negative outcomes.

The betrayed partner, in particular, may experience symptoms of emotional distress. White and Milne (2017) cite Doug Weiss, explaining that “the spouses of an intimacy anorexic could develop depression, hopelessness, lowered self-esteem, and feelings of despair” (p. 76). These emotional challenges often mirror the betrayal trauma itself, creating a compounded sense of helplessness and isolation.

Breaking the Cycle of Intimacy Anorexia
Healing from intimacy anorexia requires acknowledging its presence and addressing the underlying betrayal trauma. Therapy is a critical step in this process, offering tools to foster open communication, rebuild trust, and restore emotional connection. Individual therapy for both spouses can help address personal wounds and cultivate healthier relational patterns.

In addition, couples counseling programs like the SABR program offered by Family Strategies Counseling Center provide structured pathways for healing. These programs focus on breaking cycles of emotional distance, rebuilding intimacy, and fostering mutual support.

Conclusion
Intimacy anorexia is a significant symptom of betrayal trauma, with profound consequences for both individuals and their relationship. Left unaddressed, it can perpetuate emotional isolation, bitterness, and marital dissolution. However, with intentional healing efforts, couples can overcome the barriers created by betrayal and rediscover a meaningful and loving connection.

Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults and Valor Groups for young men can help you! Give us a call at (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: Family Strategies Counseling Center.

References
White, C. P., & Milne, N. B. (2017). Love and betrayal: Stories of hope to help you heal from your husband’s pornography addiction. Cedar Fort.