In the cycle of sexual addiction, the phase of preoccupation is both a hallmark and a driver of compulsive behavior. Characterized by an obsessive focus on sexual thoughts, it serves as a gateway to further addictive actions while immersing the individual in a trancelike state. At Family Strategies Counseling Center, we’ve worked with over 1,700 individuals and couples impacted by this cycle, helping them break free from its hold.

Understanding the Preoccupation Phase

Preoccupation is not simply about noticing sexually attractive individuals—it is a phase of intense obsession that overwhelms normal functioning. Carnes, Delmonico, and Griffin (2001b) describe sex addicts as "hostages of their own preoccupation" (p. 45), emphasizing the compulsive nature of this phase. This fixation creates an intrusive desperation that "interferes with work, relaxation, and even sleep" (Carnes et al., 2001b, p. 45). As the mind becomes consumed, the addict’s ability to focus on daily responsibilities diminishes, leaving them disconnected from their surroundings.

This phase mirrors the intense passion experienced during the courtship stage of a relationship. Carnes et al. (2001b) liken it to "the trancelike state of preoccupation," where "sexual arousal becomes intensified," altering the addict’s mood and releasing a rush of adrenaline throughout the body (p. 45). This physiological and psychological state creates an escape from reality, burying feelings of remorse or regret in the process.

Preoccupation as a Trancelike State

The trancelike state induced by preoccupation is central to understanding its impact. Carnes et al. (2001b) explain, "Their mood is altered as they enter the obsessive trance," which functions as a temporary refuge from life’s stressors (p. 45). This state is driven by an adrenaline-fueled rush that parallels the excitement-seeking behavior found in other addictions, including gambling or substance use (Carnes et al., 2001b).

Importantly, addicts may not need to act on their fantasies for the trance to offer relief. "Preoccupation effectively buries the personal pain of remorse or regret. They do not always have to act. Often just thinking about it brings relief" (Carnes et al., 2001b, p. 45). This mental escape provides a short-term reprieve but ultimately perpetuates the addiction cycle.

Preoccupation’s Role in the Addiction Cycle

In the broader context of sexual addiction, preoccupation is the second phase of a four-step cycle: preoccupation, ritualization, acting out, and despair. During this phase, the mounting pressure of obsessive thoughts pushes the addict toward ritualistic behaviors, which then lead to acting out. Each step intensifies the cycle, pulling the individual further away from self-control.

As the preoccupation phase deepens, the addict becomes trapped in their compulsions, unable to break free without intervention. The SABR program at Family Strategies Counseling Center helps individuals recognize and disrupt this cycle, using evidence-based tools to address the underlying psychological and emotional triggers that fuel preoccupation.

Conclusion

The preoccupation phase of sexual addiction immerses individuals in a trancelike state that diminishes self-control and fosters a cycle of compulsion. Through therapeutic intervention, education, and support, recovery programs like SABR empower addicts to reclaim their lives by breaking free from these destructive patterns. Understanding this phase is a vital step toward lasting recovery.

Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults, and Valor groups for young men can help you! Give us a call at (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: Family Strategies Counseling Center.

References
Carnes, P., Delmonico, D., & Griffin, E. (2001b). In the Shadows of the Net: Breaking Free of Compulsive Online Sexual Behavior. Hazelden.