Sexual addiction, like other addictions, follows a predictable pattern, with preoccupation being one of its key phases. Preoccupation, as defined by Patrick Carnes (1994), refers to the period in which an individual becomes consumed by thoughts and fantasies about their addictive behavior. It is a mental state that can monopolize a person’s thoughts and emotions, often leading to a downward spiral in their emotional and behavioral health. Preoccupation is critical to understanding how sexual addiction takes root, as it highlights the addict's internal experience, the anticipation of acting out, and the mental fixation that fuels the cycle of addiction.

The Nature of Preoccupation

Preoccupation is the stage in the sexual addiction cycle where thoughts become overwhelmingly focused on the behavior. Carnes (1994) explains that "The addictive cycle begins at the point where the addict's thoughts become focused on the behavior" (p. 61). At this stage, the individual is not yet actively engaged in their addictive behaviors but is mentally preparing for them. The mind begins to fixate on fantasies, memories of past experiences, and the planning of future behaviors, creating an all-consuming obsession.

For individuals experiencing preoccupation, their mental energy is drained by thoughts of their next sexual encounter or engagement with pornography. This phase often precedes the actual acting out and can create a sense of inevitability about the behavior, as the individual becomes consumed by their own fantasies and expectations.

The Case of Paul

Carnes (1994) offers an illustrative example of a man named Paul, whose life was dominated by the preoccupation phase of his addiction. Paul’s Fridays were particularly telling: "Fridays were filled with hours of obsession in which he anticipated the events of the weekend to come and euphorically recalled the weekend before" (p. 61). For Paul, his thoughts about sexual behavior extended far beyond the moment of acting out. His preoccupation spanned entire days, as he both nostalgically relived past encounters and eagerly anticipated future ones.

During this period, Paul's mental state was anything but clear. Carnes (1994) describes his mental state as "a kaleidoscope of feelings, fantasies, memories, hopes and expectations" (p. 61). In essence, Paul's mind was constantly in flux, shifting between different emotions and thoughts, all tied to his sexual addiction. This mental preoccupation made it nearly impossible for him to focus on other aspects of his life, such as work, relationships, or personal growth. His addiction was not just about the physical acting out—it was about the obsessive mental fixation that preceded it.

The Impact of Preoccupation

Preoccupation in sexual addiction is more than a mental distraction; it can have significant real-world consequences. Carnes (1994) points out that "Using obsession as a coping mechanism leads to low productivity and procrastination. This kind of preoccupation is time-consuming" (p. 62). For individuals like Paul, the time spent obsessing over sexual behavior can significantly detract from their ability to engage in everyday responsibilities. Work deadlines may be missed, relationships may suffer from lack of attention, and personal goals may be sidelined as the individual's mental energy is consumed by their addiction.

Moreover, preoccupation often serves as a coping mechanism. For many sexual addicts, the intense focus on sexual fantasies provides a temporary escape from emotional pain, stress, or boredom. However, this escape is fleeting, and the individual is left feeling more disconnected from their life and responsibilities. The addiction cycle perpetuates itself as the individual seeks out the temporary relief that their preoccupation offers, only to find themselves caught in a loop of obsession and acting out.

Breaking the Cycle

Intervening during the preoccupation phase of sexual addiction is crucial for breaking the cycle. Therapists and recovery programs often focus on helping individuals recognize the early signs of preoccupation and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), for example, can help individuals challenge the obsessive thoughts that dominate the preoccupation phase, while mindfulness practices can help them stay present and resist the urge to mentally escape into fantasy. Recognizing the time-consuming and destructive nature of preoccupation is the first step in helping individuals regain control of their thoughts and behaviors.

Conclusion

Preoccupation is a powerful phase in the sexual addiction cycle that sets the stage for compulsive behaviors. As Carnes (1994) highlights, it is during this phase that the individual's mind becomes fixated on sexual thoughts, fantasies, and memories, often leading to procrastination and a lack of productivity. The case of Paul demonstrates how preoccupation can consume an individual’s mental energy, preventing them from fully engaging in their life. Understanding this phase is critical for both individuals struggling with sexual addiction and the therapists who treat them. Addressing preoccupation through therapeutic interventions can provide individuals with the tools they need to break free from the cycle of addiction and reclaim their lives.

Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults and Valor Groups for young men can help you! Give us a call at (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: Family Strategies Counseling Center.

Reference

Carnes, P. (1994). Contrary to Love: Helping the Sexual Addict.