Sexual addiction is a deeply personal struggle that can disrupt every aspect of life, from work to relationships. When addiction begins to harm a marriage, it becomes essential to address the behavior and its impact. Disclosure is a necessary step in the healing process, but it must be approached with care, integrity, and preparation.

Taking the First Step: Honesty with Yourself

Before disclosing to a spouse, it is often beneficial for a man struggling with sexual addiction to confront the truth about his behavior. Corley and Schneider (2012) recommend that individuals start by getting honest with "himself, God and one other" (p. 58). This process can help clarify the full extent of the addiction and prepare the individual for the emotional weight of disclosure. Sharing with a trusted therapist, spiritual advisor, or support group can provide a safe environment to begin this journey of honesty.

Preparation Is Key

Disclosure to a spouse should not be rushed. Adequate preparation is crucial to avoid causing unnecessary harm. Corley and Schneider (2012) emphasize that disclosure must be handled with integrity and respect, stating, "But for your partner's sake and your own do not leave a letter, send an email, or make a phone call—have the integrity to tell in person what you have done after doing adequate preparation" (p. 57-58). Preparing for this conversation includes reflecting on what to disclose, seeking professional guidance, and considering the timing and setting.

Structured disclosure sessions, guided by a therapist, can provide a supportive framework for this difficult conversation. This approach ensures that both parties have the opportunity to express their feelings and begin addressing the fallout in a safe environment.

Balancing Timing and Urgency

While preparation is critical, there is also a danger in waiting too long. Delaying disclosure can deepen the harm caused by secrecy and erode trust further. As Corley and Schneider (2012) caution, "But don't wait forever" (p. 58). It is essential to find a balance between thoughtful preparation and timely action. Prolonged avoidance can signal a lack of commitment to change and delay the healing process for both partners.

The Importance of Respect and Empathy

Disclosure is not only about revealing the truth but also about demonstrating respect and empathy for the spouse. This means taking responsibility for the behavior without shifting blame or minimizing its impact. Listening to the partner’s emotions and validating their pain is a crucial part of the process. Showing respect in this way helps lay the groundwork for rebuilding trust.

Moving Forward After Disclosure

Disclosure is only the first step in addressing sexual addiction and its impact on a marriage. Following through with tangible actions is vital for demonstrating commitment to recovery. This includes seeking help through therapy, joining a recovery program, and making lifestyle changes to support long-term sobriety. Consistent actions speak louder than words and are essential for repairing the damage caused by addiction.

Conclusion

For men struggling with sexual addiction, disclosure to a spouse is a difficult but necessary part of the recovery process. By first being honest with themselves, preparing thoughtfully, and acting with integrity, they can approach this conversation in a way that minimizes harm and fosters the potential for healing. However, it is important not to delay disclosure indefinitely, as trust and relationships can suffer from prolonged secrecy. With the right approach and professional support, disclosure can be the beginning of a new chapter of honesty and recovery for both the individual and the relationship.

Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults and Valor Groups for young men can help you! Give us a call at (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: Family Strategies Counseling Center.

Reference

Corley, M. D., & Schneider, J. P. (2012). Disclosing secrets: An addict’s guide for when, to whom, and how much to reveal. Recovery Resource Press.