*The name and identifying information have been changed in this article to protect the privacy and identity of the individual.
Hey, I’m Jake, and I’m 17 years old. If you had asked me a year ago where I thought I’d be right now, I would have never imagined saying this, but I’m finally in a good place—free from something that used to control my life. For a long time, I struggled with a problem that started with watching porn when I was younger. At first, it seemed like no big deal—everyone at school joked about it like it was totally normal. But over time, it turned into something I couldn’t stop, and I felt like it was taking over my life.
What started as something I did out of curiosity soon escalated. I would watch more and more, and then I found myself feeling stuck, ashamed, and like I had no control over it. I didn’t want to tell anyone because I thought they’d think I was a total weirdo. But hiding it just made me feel worse. I didn’t know how to stop or even if I could stop.
That’s when I found the Valor group through Family Strategies. It was a game-changer for me. I want to share three huge lessons I learned through the program that helped me overcome my sexually compulsive behavior and get back control of my life.
One of the hardest parts about being in high school is feeling like you have to keep up appearances all the time. I didn’t want anyone to know what I was going through because, let’s be honest, high school can be brutal when people find out your weaknesses. Most of my friends didn’t know I was struggling. I felt like I was living two separate lives—one where I was a normal guy, hanging out and going to class, and another where I was dealing with this issue that I couldn’t talk to anyone about.
But Valor gave me a safe space. It was the first time I felt like I could be honest about what I was going through without getting judged. The guys in the group weren’t there to look down on me—they were there to support me. Even though most of my friends at school had no idea what I was dealing with, just knowing I had this group of people who understood made it easier to face the day. I realized that I wasn’t alone, and that feeling of connection gave me the strength to keep going.
Before Valor, I felt like I was defined by my problem. I kept thinking, “What’s wrong with me?” I’d tell myself I was weak or broken because I couldn’t stop. But one of the most important things I learned through the group was that I wasn’t my addiction. It didn’t define me. My mistakes were something I could move past, not something that made me a bad person.
The leaders in Valor helped me understand that everyone has struggles, and that’s just part of being human. What matters isn’t the fact that I messed up—it’s how I choose to handle it. That gave me a lot of hope because, for the first time, I believed I could actually change. I wasn’t stuck. And once I let go of all the guilt and shame I had been carrying, it got easier to start making better choices.
When I first started recovery, I thought I needed to fix everything all at once. But Valor taught me that real change happens in small steps. It wasn’t about being perfect overnight—it was about making small, daily decisions that added up over time. Whether that meant setting boundaries on my phone or finding other ways to deal with stress, I learned that each little choice I made mattered.
I started filling my time with other things—sports, hanging out with friends, even just spending time on hobbies I had forgotten about. Over time, I realized that the more I filled my life with positive things, the less hold the addiction had on me. I started to rebuild my confidence, and I realized I could change if I took it one step at a time.
Now, I’m not going to lie—recovery wasn’t easy. There were days when I felt like giving up, but the community I found through Valor kept me going. The support, the encouragement, and the accountability all helped me stay on track. Today, I’m in a much better place. I’m not perfect, but I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I thought.
If you’re going through something like this, I just want you to know that there’s hope. You’re not alone, and there are people who want to help you. It might feel impossible right now, but with the right support and tools, you can overcome it.
Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults and Valor Groups for young men can help you! Give us a call at (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: Family Strategies Counseling Center.
