One of the most critical aspects of recovering from sexual addiction is the willingness to be completely honest with your therapist. It can be tempting to hold back, to minimize the extent of the struggle, or to only share the parts of your story that feel safe. But as Patrick Carnes, a pioneer in the field of sexual addiction recovery, emphasizes, this approach severely limits the effectiveness of therapy.

In Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery (3rd ed.), Carnes underscores the necessity of transparency in therapy. He states, “Your therapist must know everything. If you edit, omit, or filter information, you limit how effective therapy can be” (Carnes, 2015, p. 155). This means that withholding information or presenting a curated version of your life not only undermines the therapeutic process but also hinders your path to healing.

The Danger of Impression Management

For many individuals struggling with sexual addiction, presenting a controlled or favorable image is second nature. Carnes calls this behavior “impression management.” He explains, “When they need someone, they use ‘impression management’—they try to look good or in control as a way to keep the therapist on their side” (Carnes, 2015, p. 155). While this tactic might help in social situations, it is counterproductive in therapy.

Therapy is a safe space designed to explore the messy and unvarnished truth about addiction. By trying to “look good” or downplay struggles, clients unintentionally build barriers to the very help they seek. Therapists cannot address problems they don’t know exist, and avoiding full disclosure leaves root issues unexamined and unresolved.

The Heart of Recovery: Sharing Your Worst Secrets

Carnes drives home the importance of vulnerability in therapy by stating, “The heart of success in both therapy and recovery is sharing the very worst secrets, allowing yourself to be seen as a ‘mess,’ and admitting how out of control you have been” (Carnes, 2015, p. 155). While admitting the darkest parts of your story can be terrifying, it is also liberating. Full disclosure allows therapists to craft effective strategies tailored to the reality of your experiences.

Sharing these difficult truths also helps break the cycle of shame that often fuels addiction. Secrets thrive in isolation, but when brought into the open, they lose their power. This vulnerability creates space for genuine healing, allowing clients to confront their addiction head-on and begin rebuilding their lives.

Honesty as a Catalyst for Change

Being honest with a therapist requires courage, but it is one of the most transformative steps in the recovery journey. Full transparency fosters trust between the client and therapist, establishes a deeper understanding of the addiction’s complexities, and opens the door to meaningful, lasting change.

When clients embrace this level of honesty, they not only gain insight into their behaviors but also develop healthier patterns of thinking and living. Therapy becomes a collaborative effort, with both client and therapist working together toward freedom and recovery.

Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults and Valor Groups for young men can help you! Give us a call at (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: Family Strategies Counseling Center.

References

Carnes, P. (2015). Facing the Shadow: Starting Sexual and Relationship Recovery (3rd ed.). Gentle Path Press.