Disclosure is a pivotal and often difficult step in the recovery journey from sexual addiction. The reasons behind a sexual addict’s decision to open up about their struggles can vary greatly, influenced by internal emotions, external pressures, and personal values. Understanding these motivations provides insight into the complexities of recovery and the role that honesty plays in healing and rebuilding trust.
Overwhelmed by Guilt and Shame
One common reason sexual addicts disclose their addiction is the emotional toll of carrying guilt and shame. Corley and Schneider (2012) observe that “Sometimes addicts disclose because they feel so ashamed and guilty that the guilt overwhelms them, so they tell” (p. 6). In such cases, disclosure becomes a way to unburden themselves of the secrecy that fuels their addiction. While this type of confession can be spontaneous, it often marks the beginning of a healing process where the individual seeks to reconcile their actions with their sense of self-worth.
Pressure from External Forces
External circumstances can also compel addicts to disclose their behavior. Whether it is due to legal consequences, workplace repercussions, or the insistence of a trusted authority figure, disclosure sometimes occurs out of necessity. Corley and Schneider (2012) explain, “Others are forced to tell because some authority (such as the law, a boss, a friend, or a therapist) insists on it, and they figure it is better to do damage control than have the partner hear about their addiction from someone else” (p. 6). In such cases, while the initial motivation may stem from external pressure, the act of disclosure often becomes an opportunity for accountability and growth.
Aligning Actions with Personal Values
Another reason individuals disclose their addiction is the desire to live in alignment with their personal values. For those in recovery, honesty becomes a cornerstone of their renewed commitment to integrity. As Corley and Schneider (2012) note, “Sometimes people tell because they think it is the right thing to do—they are trying to be congruent with their values, and deep down, they value honesty over lying even if they haven’t always told the truth” (p. 6). This motivation reflects a conscious effort to rebuild a life founded on authenticity, even when the truth is painful.
Honoring the Partner Through Truth
Finally, some addicts disclose their addiction as an act of respect and love toward their partner. By sharing their struggles, they prioritize honesty and allow their partner to make informed decisions. Corley and Schneider (2012) highlight this reasoning: “By opening up in a heartfelt way, the addict honors the partner and knows that the partner is making a choice based on truth and honesty” (p. 6). This perspective underscores the importance of vulnerability in rebuilding trust and fostering emotional intimacy.
Conclusion
The motivations for disclosure among sexual addicts are as varied as the individuals themselves. Whether driven by guilt, external pressures, personal values, or a desire to honor their partner, the act of opening up marks a critical step toward recovery and relational healing. By confronting their fears and embracing vulnerability, addicts can move closer to a life of authenticity, connection, and integrity.
Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults and Valor Groups for young men can help you! Give us a call at (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: Family Strategies Counseling Center.
References
Corley, M. D., & Schneider, J. P. (2012). Disclosing secrets: An addict’s guide for when, to whom, and how much to reveal. Recovery Resource Press.
