The Importance of a Parent’s Voice
In today’s digital world, teenagers are bombarded with messages about sex and relationships—many of which are harmful and misleading. For boys, these messages often come in the form of pornography, which distorts their understanding of intimacy, love, and self-control. It is crucial that parents take the lead in teaching their sons about sexuality, rather than leaving these lessons to institutions, peers, or the internet. Eric Poulin (2019) emphasizes this when he says, “The reality is that too many children learn about sex from everyone but their parents” (p. 4). When this happens, teens addicted to pornography often lack the tools to navigate their struggles, as no trusted adult has prepared them for the dangers they face.

Many parents hesitate to broach the topic of sexuality, fearing they might damage their sons’ innocence. However, Poulin challenges this belief: “I used to think that by giving my sons the facts about sex, I would rob them of their innocence” (p. 4). In reality, leaving sons unprepared can be far more harmful. Teens addicted to pornography often experience their first exposure to sex through explicit content, which warps their perceptions and introduces shame. Poulin adds, “Often, seeing pornography is what provides a child's first jarring glimpse of sex and robs them of their innocence” (p. 4).

Knowledge Protects Innocence
Parents have the responsibility to shape their sons’ understanding of sexuality in a healthy, honest, and compassionate way. Boys need to hear about sex and its meaning from those who love them most—not from a cold institution or a detached, values-imposing source. When parents step up to discuss sexuality, they offer guidance tailored to their sons’ unique experiences, values, and family environment.

Poulin further clarifies that what truly harms children is not talking about sex: “What robs children of their innocence is a lack of knowledge” (p. 4). Sons who lack clear and healthy conversations about sexuality often fall victim to confusion, misinformation, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. For example, teens addicted to pornography may use explicit material as a substitute for education, seeking answers to questions they’re too afraid to ask. This unhealthy pattern often worsens without parental intervention.

Why Parents, Not Institutions, Should Lead the Conversation
One of the greatest gifts parents can offer their sons is a safe space to discuss sexuality and its challenges. Unlike institutions that provide generalized values or rigid policies, parents know their sons personally. They can adapt discussions to meet their child’s emotional and intellectual readiness, ensuring the message is both meaningful and impactful. Parents who speak openly about sex and pornography help their sons develop trust, resilience, and the tools needed to make wise decisions.

Without parental guidance, teenage boys may turn to pornography for answers or validation. This can result in addiction, shame, and a distorted view of relationships. Parents must understand that silence on these topics is not neutral—it leaves a void that harmful influences will fill. By offering wisdom and love, parents help their sons navigate sexuality in a healthy way, laying a foundation for lifelong integrity and self-respect.

Practical Steps for Parents
To begin these important conversations, consider the following approaches:

1. Start Early and Small: Tailor discussions to your son’s age and maturity level. Simple, honest conversations can evolve over time.
2. Create a Safe Environment: Let your son know it’s okay to ask questions without fear of judgment or punishment.
3. Discuss the Impact of Pornography: Clearly explain how pornography distorts love, relationships, and sexuality.
4. Be Consistent: Build trust through ongoing conversations rather than one overwhelming “big talk.”
5. Model Healthy Values: Demonstrate respect, honesty, and openness in your own relationships.

By leading these conversations, parents not only prepare their sons for life’s challenges but also strengthen the bond of trust between them.

Conclusion
Parents are uniquely positioned to guide their sons in understanding sexuality and overcoming the dangers of pornography. By breaking the silence, they protect their sons’ innocence through knowledge and prepare them for a world filled with mixed messages. As Eric Poulin (2019) explains, “What robs children of their innocence is a lack of knowledge” (p. 4). Fathers and mothers who engage in open, honest discussions empower their sons to grow into healthy, confident young men, unshaken by the harmful influences around them.

Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults, and Valor Groups for Young Men can help you! Give us a call at (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: https://familystrategies.org/valor-teens.html.

Reference
Poulin, E. (2019). Just Keep It In Your Pants? - How Wise Dads Talk To Their Sons About Sex, Love and Pornography.